btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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