The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
