She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
