do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize