I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is my gift to your gina
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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