remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
