Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
