i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
