you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
