girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
