Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
