i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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