Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
