on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
