Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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