Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
