that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
