So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize