So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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