I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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