It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
