I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
