did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
