Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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