I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
