Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
