Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
