well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize