Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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