Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
