I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
