He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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