You work out of a Hotel?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
