another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
