I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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