The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
