I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
