and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
