the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
