Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
organizing the empties. That sober.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
