There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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