My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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