New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
