then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
