I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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