I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
