i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you traded sex for a burrito?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
