if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
