How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize