With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize