so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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