I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
