Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize