the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
