I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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