What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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