you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
