I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
