oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
