just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
