I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
