i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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