Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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