16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
