I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
