yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
