I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
