I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
